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I sell the same products retail and wholesale. I'm offering "buy 3 bibs, get free shipping" to retail only (I have a blank discount set up that does this based on cart total). I don't want to offer the same discount to wholesalers, who will obviously always be buying more than 3 bibs at a time, at about 50% of the retail price.

How can I set up shipping to accommodate the two kinds of buyers?

If you can define a minimum order amount (say $X) which separates a wholesale buyer from a retail buyer, you can then create a 0% shipping discount with $X as the minimum amount. So, as soon as cart total reaches $X, your preexisting shipping discount will be overridden by 0% discount.